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Help[Opinions] Gentle ra.pe / fantasies / reality
in reply to a message by queenv
I'm going to put myself out there (which I'm good at anyway) and explain this.
When someone is into BDSM they do like the idea of 'gentle rape.' However, it's done in a very, very safe way. My husband and I have a little bit of a slave / master relationship. It's not super hardcore - more along the lines of The Secretary (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFma24S-Uvw) than Fifty Shades of Grey.
Anyway: My husband "forces" himself on me but it's within certain guidelines, done in a safe way, done with my permission so to speak. I haven't read Gone with the Wind or read the book but I have to say this - Scarlett was raped. Gentle or not, it was rape. And no one ever fantasizes about being raped that way. Even when I'm being 'dominated' I still hold the control. At any point I can say "Stop" and everything stops.
When someone is into BDSM they do like the idea of 'gentle rape.' However, it's done in a very, very safe way. My husband and I have a little bit of a slave / master relationship. It's not super hardcore - more along the lines of The Secretary (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFma24S-Uvw) than Fifty Shades of Grey.
Anyway: My husband "forces" himself on me but it's within certain guidelines, done in a safe way, done with my permission so to speak. I haven't read Gone with the Wind or read the book but I have to say this - Scarlett was raped. Gentle or not, it was rape. And no one ever fantasizes about being raped that way. Even when I'm being 'dominated' I still hold the control. At any point I can say "Stop" and everything stops.
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Time out
Just to clarify things, BDSM is not about rape or even "gentle rape." It is the antithesis of rape because the submissive person is consenting to the sexual contact no matter how aggressive the contact is.
I've seen a presentation by someone who studies sex and sexual predators (focusing on pedophiles). He discussed how he had a theory that BDSM could be used to re-calibrate predators. He and his research partner interviewed many people into the scene and although it was very interesting and they learned that the submissive person is actually the more powerful person in the relationship, it is in no way shape or form a real predatory relationship. Any lessons he learned were moot because predators honestly enjoy taking something that is not given.
Just to clarify things, BDSM is not about rape or even "gentle rape." It is the antithesis of rape because the submissive person is consenting to the sexual contact no matter how aggressive the contact is.
I've seen a presentation by someone who studies sex and sexual predators (focusing on pedophiles). He discussed how he had a theory that BDSM could be used to re-calibrate predators. He and his research partner interviewed many people into the scene and although it was very interesting and they learned that the submissive person is actually the more powerful person in the relationship, it is in no way shape or form a real predatory relationship. Any lessons he learned were moot because predators honestly enjoy taking something that is not given.
This message was edited 10/25/2016, 8:37 AM
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Exactly.
Thank you so much for doing a far better job of explaining this than I did. I really appreciate this.
Thank you so much for doing a far better job of explaining this than I did. I really appreciate this.
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nobody?
Nobody fantasizes about a real rape?
Really?
There are people who fantasize about being killed and eaten. There are people who fantasize about becoming amputees or going blind.
Some even act on it.
Yes, some women, and men too, do fantasize about being raped in a non-BDSM way.
And was it really necessary to tell about your sexual behavior on this board?
Nobody fantasizes about a real rape?
Really?
There are people who fantasize about being killed and eaten. There are people who fantasize about becoming amputees or going blind.
Some even act on it.
Yes, some women, and men too, do fantasize about being raped in a non-BDSM way.
And was it really necessary to tell about your sexual behavior on this board?
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So the woman who thinks that being transgender is an mental illness
Is defending the fantasy of "gentle rape" and equating as the same as those INSANE fantasies?
Really? Those "fantasies" are a form of mental illness. "Gentle Rape" isn't a good fantasy and it doesn't happen. A woman - or man - who attempts something like that outside of a BDSM relationship will regret it.
No matter how you spin it, Rhett Butler was a rapist. Rape is rape. End of story. A woman who says "No" at the beginning isn't going to say "Yes" at the end. If a woman submits to "gentle rape" she is giving her permission, which is a form of BDSM where the submissive has complete control.
And - I am far from the only one to speak about my sex life on this board (RDZL, Chrisell) or to bring up BDSM (which has been brought up several times on this board.)
Is defending the fantasy of "gentle rape" and equating as the same as those INSANE fantasies?
Really? Those "fantasies" are a form of mental illness. "Gentle Rape" isn't a good fantasy and it doesn't happen. A woman - or man - who attempts something like that outside of a BDSM relationship will regret it.
No matter how you spin it, Rhett Butler was a rapist. Rape is rape. End of story. A woman who says "No" at the beginning isn't going to say "Yes" at the end. If a woman submits to "gentle rape" she is giving her permission, which is a form of BDSM where the submissive has complete control.
And - I am far from the only one to speak about my sex life on this board (RDZL, Chrisell) or to bring up BDSM (which has been brought up several times on this board.)
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Possible TMI
I started out this post arguing that it was a "gentle rape" in GWTW. But then I typed a description of the act: There was no physical violence, it was a grab, a kiss, a "We're having sex tonight" (in different words), and a carrying up the stairs. She never said "No" and never put up any physical resistance.
Once I described it, I don't think I'd call it a rape at all.
TMI: I have fantasized about being "gently raped." If, in that kind of fantasy, I could say "No" and the man would stop, that would be no fantasy at all. I can see that being a necessity with something you are doing IRL, but it would destroy the fantasy. To me, a "gentle rape" fantasy doesn't mean the ability to say "No", as you describe the way you practice it. There are several things that make a "gentle rape" different from a real life rape:
1. The man is attractive, and you're attracted to him.
2. He does not slap, hit, or punch you, or torture you.
3. You are never in fear for your life.
4. And you end up liking it ha ha.
I started out this post arguing that it was a "gentle rape" in GWTW. But then I typed a description of the act: There was no physical violence, it was a grab, a kiss, a "We're having sex tonight" (in different words), and a carrying up the stairs. She never said "No" and never put up any physical resistance.
Once I described it, I don't think I'd call it a rape at all.
TMI: I have fantasized about being "gently raped." If, in that kind of fantasy, I could say "No" and the man would stop, that would be no fantasy at all. I can see that being a necessity with something you are doing IRL, but it would destroy the fantasy. To me, a "gentle rape" fantasy doesn't mean the ability to say "No", as you describe the way you practice it. There are several things that make a "gentle rape" different from a real life rape:
1. The man is attractive, and you're attracted to him.
2. He does not slap, hit, or punch you, or torture you.
3. You are never in fear for your life.
4. And you end up liking it ha ha.
This message was edited 10/25/2016, 5:37 AM
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A woman
Actually tried this. She explained her fantasy on Craigslist...and it went horribly, horribly wrong. Obviously you don't do this crap on Craigslist BUT: it just doesn't work that way. Fantasy is one thing, but when it becomes reality it isn't what you want.
Rape is rape, no matter how you try to explain it away. Once it's actually happening - it's not cool.
Actually tried this. She explained her fantasy on Craigslist...and it went horribly, horribly wrong. Obviously you don't do this crap on Craigslist BUT: it just doesn't work that way. Fantasy is one thing, but when it becomes reality it isn't what you want.
Rape is rape, no matter how you try to explain it away. Once it's actually happening - it's not cool.
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Of course. I never said anything contradictory to this. I know the fantasy is completely different than the reality---of course, one controls certain aspects of a fantasy. Because I fantasize that way doesn't mean I'd ever really want to be raped. Admitting one fantasizes is not the same thing as explaining away a real rape.
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